Children's nightmares by age and how to comfort your child

The short answer

Dream interpretation is not prediction and not diagnosis. This article separates what sleep research observes from what popular interpretation associates with the theme, always saying which is which.

Nightmares show up at every stage of childhood. In the preschool years, what we know comes mostly from what parents report; at school age, children can already tell the dream in detail; and there are signs that frequency reaches its peak around age 10. In most cases, nightmares do not point to a problem. What helps most is listening, comforting without mocking and keeping nights calm and predictable.

It is worth seeing the pediatrician when nightmares are very frequent, disrupt sleep and daytime life, or come together with strong anxiety and other sleep problems. And not every nighttime fright is a nightmare: a child who screams without truly waking up and remembers nothing in the morning may be having a night terror, which is something else.

Read also: Nightmares: why they happen and how to have fewer and Dreaming about a child.

Ages 2 to 5: the first bad dreams

A large study of this age group followed 987 children in the province of Quebec, in Canada, from 5 months to 6 years old, based on what their mothers reported. Simard and colleagues published the results in 2008, and the first surprise was that frequent bad dreams were less common than expected: according to the mothers, they affected 1.3% to 3.9% of children across the ages assessed.

When they did appear, though, they tended to persist: the best predictor of bad dreams in a given year was having had them before. A difficult temperament at 5 months and anxiety at 17 months were among the risk factors. One detail catches the attention of caregivers: comforting the child warmly when they woke up in the middle of the night showed up as a protective factor, at 29 and at 41 months. Emotional soothing at the moment of falling asleep, at 29 months, showed up instead as a risk factor. These are associations, not recipes.

At this age, it is not always easy for a child to separate what they dreamed from what happened, and they may swear the creature really was in the room. Arguing does not help; comforting does. Much of this will fade with time, as explained in the article on why we do not remember our first years of life.

Source: Simard and colleagues, Longitudinal study of bad dreams in preschool-aged children, Sleep, 2008.

Ages 6 to 9: fears that turn into stories

At school age, children start telling the nightmare with a beginning, a middle and an end, and their fears follow the world they are discovering: school, fights, the news they hear from adults. The studies used here do not offer a reliable percentage for this age range. The 2014 review by Gauchat, Séguin and Zadra concludes that, whatever the way of defining and measuring them, nightmares affect a significant share of children of all ages.

The same review shows that nightmares appear linked to stress and to behavioral difficulties, and that high anxiety and other sleep problems, such as sleepwalking, are among the most consistent associations. Another important point: results can change depending on who answers, parents or children.

If your child becomes afraid of going to bed, ask what they dreamed, without rushing. Often the theme is connected to something from the day, and scenes like being chased or seeing ghosts are common among adults too.

Source: Gauchat, Séguin and Zadra, Prevalence and correlates of disturbed dreaming in children, Pathologie Biologie, 2014.

See also: Dreams in the Bible and Pregnancy dreams.

Preteens: the peak around age 10

According to the review by Gauchat, Séguin and Zadra, there is some evidence that the frequency of nightmares reaches its highest point around age 10. Between 10 and 15, a difference between the sexes starts to appear: girls begin to report more nightmares than boys.

In this phase, preteens do not always say they had a nightmare, out of embarrassment at seeming like a little kid. Indirect signs help: taking a long time to fall asleep, using the phone until late, being tired in the morning, wanting to sleep with the light on.

Childhood nightmares can also leave a mark for a long time. In 2018, Schredl and Göritz ran an online study that compared adults' most recent nightmares with the childhood nightmares they remembered. The fact that adults still describe these dreams years later shows how much of a mark they can leave.

Sources: Gauchat, Séguin and Zadra, Prevalence and correlates of disturbed dreaming in children, Pathologie Biologie, 2014; Schredl and Göritz, Nightmare Themes, Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2018.

Nightmare or night terror?

In a nightmare, the child actually wakes up, recognizes whoever comes in, can tell what they dreamed and wants to be held. It usually happens in the second half of the night, when REM sleep periods are longer. In a night terror, the child screams, thrashes or looks terrified, but is not really awake: sometimes they do not even recognize their parents, are hard to console and, in the morning, remember nothing. It usually comes in the first hours of the night, during deep sleep.

With a nightmare, the way forward is comfort. With a night terror, it is generally best to stay close, make sure the child does not get hurt and not try to force them awake. The full difference is in night terrors: what they are and how to tell them apart from nightmares.

How to comfort your child after a nightmare

• Go to them and listen. Let them tell you the dream, if they want to. Short phrases like "it was a dream, you are safe here" help more than long explanations.
• Do not mock or dismiss it. The fear was real for them, even if the monster is not. Avoid jokes and phrases like "that is silly".
• Help them fall back asleep at their own pace. A sip of water, tucking the blanket in, staying close for a few minutes. In the study by Simard and colleagues, comforting after nighttime awakenings was associated with fewer bad dreams in little ones.
• Keep a calm routine. A similar bedtime, a bath, a story, dim lights. Predictability is soothing.
• Limit screens and scary content at night. Horror movies, tense videos and heavy conversations close to bedtime tend to show up again in dreams.
• Use a soft light, if they ask. A dim night light can give a sense of safety without disturbing sleep.
• During the day, change the ending. Drawing the dream and making up a different ending together is a simple game. The review by Gauchat and colleagues mentions promising results with a similar technique, imagery rehearsal, but in few studies with children; when nightmares are frequent, it should be guided by a professional.

See also evening habits for better sleep.

Sources: Simard and colleagues, Longitudinal study of bad dreams in preschool-aged children, Sleep, 2008; Gauchat, Séguin and Zadra, Prevalence and correlates of disturbed dreaming in children, Pathologie Biologie, 2014.

When to talk to the pediatrician

See the pediatrician if:

• the nightmares happen several times a week over a long period;
• your child becomes afraid of sleeping, refuses their own room or is tired and irritable during the day;
• the nightmares started after a difficult event, such as a loss, a sudden move or a situation of violence;
• there is also loud snoring, pauses in breathing, frequent sleepwalking or episodes that look like night terrors;
• anxiety shows up at other times too, not only at night.

The pediatrician can assess sleep as a whole and, if needed, refer you to a child psychologist. The guidelines for treating nightmares in adults do not automatically apply to children: the path should come from whoever looks after the child's health. If someone in the family is in intense distress, in the US you can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), free and available 24 hours a day. See what dream meanings look like according to science and culture.