Dreaming about someone: why that person shows up

The short answer

Dream interpretation is not prediction and not diagnosis. This article separates what sleep research observes from what popular interpretation associates with the theme.

Dreaming about someone does not mean that person is thinking about you. Research points the other way: who shows up in your dream is usually who occupies space in your head.

Read also: Dream meanings: what science and culture actually say and Dreams about flying: what happens in the brain.

They appear because you think about them

Under the continuity hypothesis, dream content follows waking life, including the people we live with or miss. That holds even for someone you have not seen in years: a memory, a song or a photo can reactivate the subject without you noticing.

Source: Schredl and Hofmann, Continuity between waking activities and dream activities, Consciousness and Cognition, 2003.

The effect on the next day

A study followed people in relationships who logged dreams and daily behaviour. Dreaming about a partner was associated with what happened the next day: conflict or jealousy dreams came with more friction, and affectionate dreams with more closeness.

So the dream does not predict the relationship, but it can colour the mood you wake up in. Worth remembering before holding someone responsible for something that happened inside a dream.

Source: Selterman et al., Dreaming of You, Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2014.

The most common situations

• Dreaming about an ex: frequent in periods of change, not a sign of reconciliation.
• Dreaming of someone who died: among the most reported themes, and common in grief.
• Dreaming about someone you dislike: usually tracks unresolved conflict.
• Dreaming of a stranger: faces can be composites of people already seen.

Source: Nielsen et al., The Typical Dreams of Canadian University Students, Dreaming, 2003.

See also dreaming about death.