Dreaming about a mother-in-law: what it means and what it may reflect

Dreaming about a mother-in-law: the direct answer

Dream interpretation is not prediction and not diagnosis. This article separates what sleep research observes from what popular interpretation associates with the theme.

Dreaming about a mother-in-law does not predict a fight, separation or betrayal, and dreaming of her dying does not announce a death. The mother-in-law arrives with the marriage: she brings the ways of another family, comparisons, opinions about the home and, often, real affection. That is why the dream usually appears in phases of intense togetherness, such as year-end holidays, long visits, moves, a pregnancy in the family or tension in the couple.

When she has already died, the dream tends to come with longing, memories of gatherings and the grief of those who loved her, including the partner.

Read also: Dreaming about a husband and Dreaming about a mother.

What research observes about dreams of family

Research on continuity between waking life and dreaming, by Schredl and Hofmann (2003), shows that the people we live with and the subjects that occupy the day are frequent dream material. A tense lunch, a crooked message in the family group or a comment about raising the children can return at night with the mother-in-law in the lead role.

With mothers-in-law who have died, another theme comes in. A study by Wright and colleagues (2014) on dreams of deceased people shows that they are common in grief and, for many, bring comfort. Dreaming of the mother-in-law alive, talking as before, is usually part of that process, even years later.

Sources: Schredl and Hofmann, Continuity between waking activities and dream activities, Consciousness and Cognition, 2003; Wright, Kerr and colleagues, The Impact of Dreams of the Deceased on Bereavement, American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine, 2014.

The most common versions of this dream

When the dream turns into an open argument, it is also worth reading dreaming about a fight or argument.

When the dream deserves professional attention

Dreaming about a mother-in-law is common and, most of the time, calls for no special care. If the dream of the deceased mother-in-law reopens a grief that stops the person from following the routine, or if fights in the dream repeat so much that you wake up frightened several times a week, talk to a health professional. See what helps you have fewer nightmares.

Source: Morgenthaler et al., Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2018.

What dream books say

In O Livro dos Sonhos (a Brazilian dream book), L. P. Baçan brings two readings for the mother-in-law: in life, small obstacles; in love, trust. It is striking that the figure so often associated with friction appears tied to trust in the couple.

Freud saw this kind of book as a fixed code, which swaps each image for another without asking the dreamer. One of the examples he cites fits the theme: in a dream book, "funeral" meant "engagement". For Freud, the meaning lay in each person's story, not in the table.

Sources: Freud, Die Traumdeutung, 1900; L. P. Baçan, O Livro dos Sonhos, 2014.

Dreaming about a mother-in-law according to Freud, Jung and faith

In Freud's psychoanalysis. In The Interpretation of Dreams, a patient challenged the theory that every dream fulfills a wish: she dreamed she traveled with her mother-in-law to spend the holidays together in the country, precisely what she had done everything to avoid, booking a place far away. Freud answered that the dream fulfilled another wish: that he was wrong. The mother-in-law, there, was just the way to another subject.

In Jung's psychology. Man and His Symbols reports the dream of a young man in love who did not want to marry, afraid that marriage would become a prison run by a strong mother image. His mother had had great influence in his childhood, and the future mother-in-law promised a similar danger. In the Jungian key, the dream mother-in-law can carry something of the mother figure and of doubts about each person's place in the new family.

In symbols and faith. In the Dictionary of Symbols, Chevalier and Gheerbrant record that, among the Little Russians of Volhynia, the mother-in-law threw oats and hazelnuts over the son-in-law's head at the wedding banquet, a gesture tied to the couple's fertility. In Spiritism, The Spirits' Book, by Allan Kardec, teaches that in sleep the ties between spirit and body loosen, and so many read the dream of the deceased mother-in-law as a reunion. On this theme, see dreaming about a person who has died.

Putting the two readings together. Science shows that the mother-in-law appears because she is part of the couple's life and emotions; faith offers a way to live the longing. Both can coexist.

Sources: Freud, Die Traumdeutung, 1900; Jung (ed.), Man and His Symbols; Chevalier and Gheerbrant, A Dictionary of Symbols; Kardec, The Spirits' Book.

Popular beliefs about this dream

In popular reading, a smiling mother-in-law indicates harmony in the family; fighting or speaking ill, conflicts and gossip nearby; crying, worries about the partner's relatives. The "false" mother-in-law of the dream is read as a sign of distrust, and the deceased mother-in-law, as longing or protection from ancestors. A pregnant mother-in-law is usually associated with news in the family. These are cultural interpretations, to reflect on, and not predictions. See dream meanings according to science and culture.