Dreaming about a brother-in-law or sister-in-law: what it means and what it reflects

Dreaming about a brother-in-law or sister-in-law: the direct answer

Dream interpretation is not prediction and not diagnosis. This article separates what sleep research observes from what popular interpretation associates with the theme.

Dreaming about a brother-in-law or sister-in-law does not announce a fight, separation or betrayal. The brother-in-law is a relative by someone else's choice: he arrived with a sibling's marriage or your own, shares parties, opinions and sometimes the house. That is why he appears so much in phases of change in the family, such as an engagement, a move, a birth or an illness.

When the dream brings a brother-in-law who has died, it usually comes with longing. When it brings a kiss or dating, it usually brings guilt on waking, but it often speaks of closeness, admiration or annoyance with someone who is always around.

Read also: Dreaming about a brother and Dreaming about a mother-in-law.

Why the family through marriage enters dreams

Research on continuity between waking life and dreaming, reviewed by Michael Schredl in 2003, shows that the people we spend the most time with and the day's worries tend to return at night. A buzzing family group, a loan left unanswered, a sister-in-law who commented on how you raise your children: all of it becomes material for the plot.

In the case of a brother-in-law or sister-in-law who has died, studies of dreams about the dead, such as that of Wright and colleagues (2014), observe that these dreams are common in grief and that many people experience them as comfort, not fright. Sometimes the dream just repeats the scene of a last meeting, such as a conversation in the kitchen. If the theme of the night was friction, see dreaming about a fight or argument.

Sources: Schredl and Hofmann, Continuity between waking activities and dream activities, Consciousness and Cognition, 2003; Wright, Kerr and colleagues, The Impact of Dreams of the Deceased on Bereavement, American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine, 2014.

The most common versions of this dream

If the brother-in-law who appeared has died, it is also worth reading dreaming about a person who has died.

When dreaming about a brother-in-law or sister-in-law calls for attention

Dreaming about a brother-in-law is common and indicates no problem. If the dream repeats with fights or death scenes, if you wake up anguished several times a week or if it reopens a grief that does not budge, it is worth talking to a health professional: frequent nightmares have treatment. See how to have fewer nightmares.

Source: Morgenthaler et al., Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2018.

Freud, Jung and faith on this dream

In Freud's psychoanalysis. The Interpretation of Dreams has a curious case. A young man dreamed he entered a restaurant with a girl who was, to him, like a sister. As he told his memories, the sister, the sister-in-law and the brother-in-law's sister appeared, whom he said were indifferent to him, but who all fit the category of sisters. It is a good example of disguise: in the dream, family members can take each other's place, and the sister-in-law may be there in the place of someone else.

In Jung's psychology. The brother-in-law is a near-brother who was not chosen. In the Jungian key, a same-sex figure who irritates in the dream can be read as the shadow: traits the person rejects in themselves and sees easily in others. The sister-in-law always well turned out at family gatherings recalls the persona, the social mask everyone wears at the table.

In symbols and faith. In the Dictionary of Symbols, Chevalier and Gheerbrant tell that, in the Aztec calendar, the years tied to the rabbit were governed by Venus, the elder sister of the Sun, in a myth in which she gets involved with her sister-in-law, the Moon. Even the heavenly bodies, in these stories, have difficult relatives. In Spiritism, The Spirits' Book, by Allan Kardec, describes sleep as a moment when the spirit moves away from the body and can meet other spirits, a reading many families use to understand the dream of the deceased brother-in-law.

Putting the two readings together. Science shows why the brother-in-law appears: living together, tension or longing. Tradition asks what that meeting asks for. Recalling the last real conversation with him helps separate one from the other.

Sources: Freud, Die Traumdeutung, 1900; Jung (ed.), Man and His Symbols; Chevalier and Gheerbrant, A Dictionary of Symbols; Kardec, The Spirits' Book.

What dream dictionaries record

In O Livro dos Sonhos (a Brazilian dream book), L. P. Baçan gives the brother-in-law a heavy reading: in life, disagreements; in love, separation. It is the kind of answer that frightens someone who dreamed of a peaceful lunch at the brother-in-law's house.

Freud was already suspicious of this format. He described dream books as a decoding method, in which each image has a fixed translation, and recalled that in one of them letter meant trouble and funeral meant engagement. For him, meaning only appeared when the person themselves told what that relative, in that scene, brought to memory.

Sources: Freud, Die Traumdeutung, 1900; L. P. Baçan, O Livro dos Sonhos, 2014.

Popular beliefs about this dream

In popular reading, a brother-in-law in a dream is usually tied to gossip, dispute over inheritance or family intrigue; a smiling brother-in-law, to reconciliation; and a dead brother-in-law, to a message of peace or a request for prayer. Kissing the brother-in-law is usually read as a sign of jealousy or comparison between couples, and not as desire. These are cultural interpretations, good for conversation, and not predictions. See dream meanings according to science and culture.