Dreaming about your late mother: what the dream usually brings

What dreaming about your late mother usually points to

Dream interpretation is not prediction and not diagnosis. This article separates what sleep research observes from what popular interpretation associates with the theme, always saying which is which.

Dreaming about your mother who has died is not a sign that something bad is about to happen, nor that she is suffering, nor that you did something wrong. Most of the time, the dream goes along with longing and with the work memory does in the face of loss. The mother tends to appear in scenes of everyday care: food, a lap to rest on, the childhood home, a piece of advice said in her own way.

The dream does not measure love, either. Some people dream about her every week and others go years without dreaming, and both experiences are part of grief.

Read also: Dreaming about your mother and Dreaming about someone who died.

Why your mother comes back in dreams

According to the continuity hypothesis, tested by Michael Schredl and Friedrich Hofmann in 2003, dreams follow what occupies the waking mind. In grief, your mother is everywhere: in the smell of a spice, in the recipe written in her notebook, on Mother's Day, in her voice saved on your phone, in sorting through her clothes. It is natural for her to appear at night.

Seeing alive a person who has died is among the typical dreams listed by Tore Nielsen and colleagues in 2003, in a study of Canadian university students. It is an experience shared by many people.

Sources: Schredl and Hofmann, Continuity between waking activities and dream activities, Consciousness and Cognition, 2003; Nielsen and colleagues, Dreaming, 2003.

Freud, Jung and faith on the mother who has passed

In Freud's psychoanalysis. In The Interpretation of Dreams, Freud devotes a section to infantile material as a source of dreams: impressions from the earliest years come back at night, sometimes with details the person did not even remember keeping. The mother who reappears in the old house, younger, may be that memory taking the stage. For him, dreams also fulfill wishes, and the wish to see your mother again is one of the simplest to understand.

In Jung's psychology. Jung saw in the maternal figure an image that goes beyond the person: the mother archetype, tied to shelter, nourishment and origin. Man and His Symbols recalls that dreams speak through images that try to balance conscious life. In that reading, a mother who appears serene may also be the part of you that learned to take care of yourself with her and that is still alive.

In symbols and faith. In A Dictionary of Symbols, Chevalier and Gheerbrant link the mother to the sea and the earth, the matrices of life, and to shelter, warmth and tenderness. In the Bible, God speaks through Isaiah: "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you" (Isaiah 66:13). In Spiritism, The Spirits' Book, by Allan Kardec, teaches that during sleep the soul partly frees itself from the body and can meet those who have passed on; this is a belief of the doctrine, without scientific proof.

Bringing both readings together. Research explains why your mother comes back: she fills your memory and your affection. Faith offers the hope of reunion and of comfort. The two can live side by side.

Sources: Freud, Die Traumdeutung, 1900; Jung (ed.), Man and His Symbols; Chevalier and Gheerbrant, A Dictionary of Symbols; Kardec, The Spirits' Book.

Common scenes with a mother who has died

If the dream centered on the wake or on a hug, read also dreaming about a funeral or coffin and dreaming about a hug.

See also: Dreaming about a lover and Dreaming about a stepfather or stepmother.

When grief calls for support

Crying when you wake up and feeling the day is heavy after these dreams is part of grief. It is worth seeking help when the dreams keep repeating the illness or the death, when you start to be afraid of going to sleep, or when sadness keeps you from your routine for weeks. A psychologist, ideally one with experience in grief, or a health professional can help; frequent nightmares can be treated. See also how to have fewer nightmares.

If the longing comes with a wish to disappear or to hurt yourself, do not stay alone with it. Talk to someone you trust and seek help today. In the US, you can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), free and available 24 hours a day.

Source: Morgenthaler and colleagues, Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2018.

What dream books say about the mother

In O Livro dos Sonhos, a Brazilian dream book, L. P. Baçan has no entry for a mother who has died. The closest entry is the one for the mother: in life, change; in love, closeness and complicity. The entries for the dead and for corpses have the gloomy tone of the genre and should not be taken as a warning by anyone who is grieving.

Jung recalled, in Man and His Symbols, that a symbol does not fit in a list, because it is born from the life of the person who dreamed. The mother in your dream has her own way, her own story and her own words, and no dictionary line can capture that.

Sources: L. P. Baçan, O Livro dos Sonhos, 2014; Jung (ed.), Man and His Symbols.

Folk readings of dreaming about your late mother

In Brazilian folk reading, dreaming about your late mother smiling is a sign that she is at peace; a mother giving advice is protection at a moment of choice; a mother cooking or setting the table, abundance and family unity. A mother crying is usually read as a request for prayer. These are readings from tradition and popular faith, which many families hold dear, and not predictions. See what dream meanings look like according to science and culture.